I am spending my child support on dildos
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
