I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
