smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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