watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she looked like the before picture.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
