Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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