I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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