I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
