my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
it's like heaven, but drunker
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
