i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Your dad touched me again.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
