Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
