just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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