Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
