I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
