Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
