woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
