fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
