If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
