the new term for farting is butt boxing.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So many bounce houses so little time
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
