Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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