If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
