mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
