I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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