how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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