he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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