just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
