I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Randomize
