Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
