i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
