Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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