I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
