I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
