there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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