Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
