Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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