I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
