Pappa wants mamma naked
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
