I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
