I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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