Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
