So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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