This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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