HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
