You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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