remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
