Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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