Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
