I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
