Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
