Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Randomize
