when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
