bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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