Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
