wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
